I’m sure many of us have watched movies throughout our lives that portray how our hero or heroine has reacted after going through a massive breakup. Whether it was Joseph Gordon-Levitt in 500 Days of Summer, hating the world and walking around in a fog for months after his girlfriend leaves, or Renee Zellweger getting wasted as Bridget Jones and singing at the top of her lungs — we have witnessed behaviour that is portrayed as a normal reaction to them.
Grieving is a completely natural process, and the loss of a relationship is one of the most painful feelings we will experience in our lives. It’s safe to say I’ve had my share of breakups over the years and I’ve learned that engaging in some types of behaviours is going to make me feel much worse instead of better in the long run.
So, if you don’t want to end up just hurting yourself more, I suggest you don’t do any of the following 7 things the next time you break up with someone:
01. DON’T DRINK YOURSELF TO DEATH
Believe it or not, the memories aren’t going to fade forever when you go out and get completely inebriated. When you wake up the next morning you’ll likely look back at the night before with horror — and no doubt be left with the mother of all hangovers. It’s just not worth it.
Getting drunk is a temporary fix to something that just isn’t going to go away. Don’t end up crying and puking in the toilet of a bar surrounded by strangers. Work through the pain and accept that it’s okay to feel hurt for a while.
02. DON’T STALK THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA
What does it matter what they’re doing or where they are eating tonight? It’s over and you have to accept this or you’re going to extend the time it takes for you to move on. You need to get your life back on track and stalking their Instagram and Facebook to see if they’re dating someone isn’t going to help.
This is going to be one of the hardest things to do so if you need to block or hide their feed to help yourself (which most of us find we have to do) then please do it. I promise a breakup is a lot easier if you can’t see what they’re getting up to every day.
03. DON’T SLEEP WITH HIS FRIENDS
It seems like a great idea at the time — and who doesn’t want to get revenge on their ex — especially if they did the dumping? But let’s face it, it’s not a great idea and you’re going to end up shooting yourself in the foot. You’re going to be sad and lonely and will probably develop feelings for whatever friend you decide to pursue. If the friend then decides to pursue you, you will end up hurting your ex’s relationship with his friend and make yourself look terrible.
This will most likely result in more people getting hurt or you ending up in another relationship when you’re not ready to date again. So do yourself a favour and resist the urge!
04. DON’T JUMP INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP
I have to admit that I’ve been guilty of this one on more than one occasion. I would be going through a breakup and immediately begin talking to someone new and start up a relationship. It would help temporarily, but none of those relationships ever worked out because I was either still or mess or didn’t even like them that much.
Jumping straight into another relationship leaves you no time to grieve, heal, or work on yourself. Everyone needs time and waiting to pursue love again is one of the best things you can do for yourself in this sort of situation.
05. DON’T INSTANTLY TRY TO BE FRIENDS
I truly believe that in some cases ex’s can most certainly be friends. But you can’t go from relationship to friends in two seconds. It’s impossible to go from being romantically involved to friends without some room to breathe in the middle. Give each other the time and space that both of you needs to heal.
It’s also good to remember that you have absolutely no obligation to be friends with your ex. If you don’t want to have any kind of relationship in the future, then that is completely okay.
05. DON’T INSTANTLY TRY TO BE FRIENDS
I truly believe that in some cases ex’s can most certainly be friends. But you can’t go from relationship to friends in two seconds. It’s impossible to go from being romantically involved to friends without some room to breathe in the middle. Give each other the time and space that both of you needs to heal.
It’s also good to remember that you have absolutely no obligation to be friends with your ex. If you don’t want to have any kind of relationship in the future, then that is completely okay.
07. DON’T FORGET TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
It’s easy to be absolutely miserable and lament the fact that you’re going to spend the rest of your life alone, even though that’s not true. But self-pity and drowning your sorrows isn’t going to be the way to go forever. Now is the time to indulge in some self-care and rediscover who you really are, what you love, and what you want for the future.
Have you ever done any of these things after a breakup?
Let me know in the comments below!
Louise x
