Love Bombing | The Red Flag You Shouldn’t Ignore

When you first meet someone, being swept off your feet can feel fun and exciting. Having someone shower you with affection and admiration is especially exhilarating when you’re in the beginning stages of a new relationship. Love bombing, however, is a whole other story. It happens when someone overwhelms you from the very beginning of your relationship with loving words, actions, and behaviour as a manipulation technique.

It’s often used to win over your trust and affection. Then, once you’re settled into the relationship, those initial ‘caring’ ways of showing you they care are withdrawn, casually replaced with their true colours, which is usually manipulation and controlling behaviour. And all the things you loved about them, to begin with, start to disappear.

You then begin to wonder what went wrong, and will most likely blame yourself for the change in their behaviour. But it tends to happen so gradually, that anyone can be affected. Especially those who are more vulnerable and drawn in by someone who showers them with love. Love bombing is effective because everyone wants to feel good, and the person love bombing may not even realise what they’re doing.

Here’s a look at some of the classic signs of love bombing. If you recognise some of these, it doesn’t necessarily mean your partner is toxic, but listen to your intuition if the person trying to woo you seems too good to be true.

01. THEY’RE OVERLY COMPLIMENTARY

A sincere, well-meaning compliment is never a bad thing. But if your partner is love bombing you, they’ll shower you with compliments that feel shallow or inauthentic simply to butter you up. If someone’s expressing their undying love after just a short amount of time, it’s a potential red flag that their feelings aren’t genuine.

Constantly telling you how beautiful, gorgeous, or stunning you are, etc will feel great at first – but after a few weeks alarm bells should be going off with the sheer excess of it all.

02. THEY SAY ‘I LOVE YOU’ SUPER SOON

You’ve known them for a week, they say those three little words: I love you.

I’m sorry, but WHAT!?

It may seem all ‘love at first sight’ and romantic, but how on earth is someone meant to know if they love you after such a short amount of time? How can they possibly understand the complexities of you – you at your best, your worst, your family, your friends, your loves and your hates? It’s simply not possible. After all, they barely know you.

So, if they’re a fast mover, and exhibit some of the other signs on my list, you should definitely be sceptical.

03. THEY MOVE REALLY FAST

Someone who is love bombing you will talk about the future all the time – moving in together, meeting the family, having children, marriage – the lot. You may feel overwhelmed with affection to the point where you’re so enamoured that you join in – yes! They want what you want! Right?

WRONG.

This is a HUGE red flag. These are major relationship milestones. And, if rushed, you can end up not really knowing what you want.

People can become infatuated with each other very quickly, which is fine. But if someone starts showering you with so much love and attention too quickly, you have to question their pacing and their judgement. This person doesn’t know you, after all.

04. THEY MAKE LOTS OF GRAND, DRAMATIC GESTURES

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with making a romantic gesture or two in a relationship. But if someone is taking you on hot air balloon rides or holding a boombox outside your window when you’ve just started dating, that might be a clue that their love bombs aren’t all that sincere.

05. THEY’RE VERY INTENSE

If it feels like your new partner has a knack for saying or doing just the right things to make you feel good, then ask yourself if he or she is being authentic or manipulating. 

Legitimate love has its ups and downs, but it should be respectful and not overbearing. It’s patient, kind, and gentle. So if they never turn down the charm and seem to be running on all cylinders when you’re with them then you’re probably being love-bombed. Especially if you never know what to expect from one moment to the next and feel pressured into seeing them round the clock.

06. THEY’RE OVERLY NEEDY

No matter how much time and energy you give them, it never seems to be enough. But ask yourself: Are you bailing on friends because they can’t stand to be alone? Or do you feel obligated to answer every phone call and text message because they gifted you that expensive iPhone?

Someone toxic will make you feel indebted to them so that they can rely on you day and night.

07. THEY GET UPSET WHEN YOU PLACE BOUNDARIES

When you try to tell them to slow down, they’ll continue to try to manipulate you to get what they want. Someone who legitimately cares, on the other hand, will respect your wishes and back off. Love bombers also get upset about any boundaries with regards to access to you or you accepting their displays of ‘love’. It’s like a tsunami of affection and they expect you to accept it all.

08. THEY BOMBARD YOU WITH TEXTS AND PHONE CALLS

They call, text, and message you over social media 24/7. While being in constant communication is normal when you’re first dating, it’s a red flag if the communication feels one-sided and becomes increasingly overwhelming. You need to be especially careful if they suddenly begin texting you early in the morning and every hour on the hour.

09. YOU FEEL UNBALANCED

Being love-bombed can feel intoxicating at first, but you might also feel a bit uneasy, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Make sure you pay attention to any feelings of anxiety you may have – it’s important to be attuned to your intuition, so you can be informed instead of being carried away by their love-bombing tactics.

10. IT FEELS ABSOLUTELY HEAD-OVER-HEELS PERFECT

You know that phrase, if it’s too good to be true, then it probably is? Well here is a prime example of when this is relevant! Trust your gut instincts and if you feel that the person is too perfect, take a step back and re-evaluate. They may be great, but everyone has flaws. And we can easily overlook them when we love someone. But if they’re almost too shiny in their perfection, take my advice … do a runner!

Love Bomb

LOVE BOMBING IS SCARY

What makes love bombing so worrying, is that it can be really hard to tell whether a new partner is genuinely head-over-heels for you, or whether all their affectionate, caring behaviours are really love bombs.

Your brain will start to get addicted to the affection. So, once the abuse and controlling behaviour comes, you’re less likely to recognise it and act on it, no matter how strong you think you are. Plus, all your partner has to do is throw out a few more love bombs and you’ll most likely forgive and forget.

Love Bombing is dangerous. And if you suspect your new partner of it, then honestly? Run a mile. Don’t wait around to find out what happens …Love Bombing | The Red Flag You Shouldn’t Ignore

Have you or anyone you know ever been love-bombed before?
If so, let me know in the comments below.

Louise x

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15 Comments

  1. Aditi
    June 3, 2020 / 7:38 pm

    These are so true and relatable, I have seen this happening with so many of my friends and especially those who talk about undying love so soon sound more cringy to me than being genuine.

  2. June 3, 2020 / 11:32 pm

    2, 3 & 5 = my husband in the begnning…. HAHAHAHHAHAH! but um, yeah, he’s my husband now, so clearly I ignored those red flags and it totally worked! hahahahaha!

  3. June 4, 2020 / 12:37 am

    Yikes, I wouldn’t want to be with anyone like this. I am so glad my husband is sane. I met him in high school and he was sane then too, otherwise I’d have left.

  4. June 4, 2020 / 3:23 pm

    The fact you used a “You” meme is fantastic!! This is such an interesting topic because I think most people probably have one or two of these red flags. But sometimes can be overlooked.

  5. June 4, 2020 / 4:30 pm

    I’m single now, but it seems I have a few points to work on. Great tips, I certainly ignored some of these red flags in the past! 🙂

  6. June 4, 2020 / 4:35 pm

    I am out of the dating scene right now but my son is wanting to date. These are signs that he needs to know about.

  7. joanna
    June 4, 2020 / 6:03 pm

    I think that every relationships is different and people act differently from one another. In the end, everyone should find their match, even overly emotional people.

  8. June 4, 2020 / 6:18 pm

    This is super amazing and very helpful blog..Thanks for sharing these red flags they are very true with some of persons..though i have never been through such sitaution glad to be lone…

  9. June 4, 2020 / 10:28 pm

    You got it lol!!! All of these are red flags especially dealing with needy partners and controlling ones…Runnnnnn…

  10. June 5, 2020 / 1:56 pm

    These red flags are on point. Gotta watch out when someone is too good to be true. Thanks for sharing!

  11. June 6, 2020 / 12:07 am

    Wonderful tips on how to watch out for when dating someone. These red flags are so true!

  12. June 6, 2020 / 1:49 am

    This is great advice. It is SO important to listen to how we’re feeling and not just get swept up in the moment. If you take a step back and listen to your gut, you may find that the romantic gesture that has you ‘flying high’ on feelings of love is really making you uneasy. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that my gut is rarely, if ever, wrong in those moments.

  13. June 7, 2020 / 12:10 am

    I don’t remember being love bombed. But I did meet someone who was too good to be true because he has his way with words. And yeah, that didn’t last very long.

  14. Agnes
    June 7, 2020 / 3:15 am

    Never had this thing before when I was single and in a relationship. This is too complicated when you in this kind situation.

  15. pooja Malkani
    June 7, 2020 / 5:56 pm

    I am sure most people can relate to this post! Love is complex emotion and with it comes a lot of other emotions

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