Finding a date in today’s fast-paced world is challenging enough, without the added complication of hooking up with a guy who seems to have another girlfriend on the side. We girls generally have to be more cautious when choosing a guy to be in a relationship with, because many men like to play the field. And we might not be the only one he’s referring to when he changes his Facebook status to ‘In a relationship’.
In your heart of hearts, you know you’re much more into the relationship than he is. But now you’re beginning to think that there’s someone else is in the picture too. So, if you start to have nagging doubts about him, and recognise things that might indicate he has a secret girlfriend, here are some red flags to look out for:
01. HE NEVER TAKES YOU TO PLACES WHERE HIS FRIENDS MIGHT BE
His version of a date always seems to be someplace quiet and private. At first, this might strike you as romantic. But after a while, you’ll probably start to ask yourself if he’s just making sure you remain hidden. If this is the case, it could mean that you’re the secret girlfriend!
02. HE HARDLY EVER CALLS YOU BY YOUR FIRST NAME
Men who live double lives know if they use names, they may accidentally end up calling one girl by the other girls name. Ouch! To prevent that from happening, the ‘charmer’ will most likely call you babe, or sweetie, or love, adopting a ‘no-name’ policy. It’s a sneaky way to cover his tracks and something that’s easily missed when you’re really into someone.
03. HE NEVER TAKES YOU TO HIS PLACE
If your boyfriend lives alone (or says he does), but never takes you there, that should be a red flag. If he is too embarrassed to invite you because he’s a slob, he should either get over his embarrassment, hire a maid, or have a good clean up before you come over. But before you go jumping to conclusions, make sure it’s just his dirty socks he’s hiding, and not his dirty laundry.
04. YOU CAN NEVER GET IN TOUCH WITH HIM OUTSIDE OF YOUR SCHEDULED DATES
Every time you try to call him outside of the times of your scheduled dates, it goes to voicemail. And even then, he generally doesn’t return your calls. In my opinion, this is a major red flag. I mean, it’s not exactly difficult to call someone back in this day and age, is it!?
05. HE’S NEVER INTRODUCED YOU TO HIS FAMILY, FRIENDS OR CO-WORKERS
If you have been together for more than a month or two outside of lockdown, it’s unlikely there hasn’t been at least one occasion or opportunity for him to introduce you to ‘his people’. Although some men take a long time when it comes to family, he should be interested in introducing you to his friends at the very least. However, if you’ve never met anyone that’s connected to him, that could be another huge red flag, unless he’s only recently moved to the area. Something’s most definitely not right – and you probably already know it.
06. HIS MOBILE PHONE IS STRICTLY OFF LIMITS
If your boyfriend has made it clear (even without telling you directly) that his mobile phone is off-limits, it’s password protected and he never leaves it lying around, chances are there are things on there that he doesn’t want you to know about. This should make you wonder if he has a secret girlfriend because he should be able to trust you, just as you should be able to trust him, and it’s hard to establish trust when there is a mystery mobile in the picture. Another red flag.
07. THERE’S NO TRACE OF YOU WITH HIM ANYWHERE ON HIS SOCIAL MEDIA
There’s nothing on Facebook or Instagram, or anywhere that the two of you were ever together. It’s as if he does not want any evidence that he has a life with you. Be careful if this is how your guy is because he may not really be your guy after all – and unwittingly – you may be the ‘other woman’.
08. HE CANCELS DATES WITH LAME EXCUSES
Cancelling dates at the last minute and giving poor excuses, or just not showing up at all and apologising at a later date is a sign that not all is well with your relationship. Especially if this is compounded by your total ignorance of his workplace, and the circles that he moves in.
09. YOU FIND THINGS AT HIS PLACE THAT AREN’T YOURS BUT DEFINITELY BELONG TO A WOMAN
If his female relatives don’t live with him, but his bathroom has a stash of feminine hygiene products in the drawers, it could be a warning sign that he has a girlfriend who stays over regularly. After all, these products imply a certain amount of intimacy. If you also find things like earrings, a rogue lipstick or knickers lying around in his house or then I think it’s safe to say there’s probably another woman visiting aside from you.
10. YOU CAN ONLY EVER SEE HIM ON SPECIFIC DAYS OF THE WEEK
You’re only able to see him or spend time with him on Fridays, or Saturdays or Sundays. Never for the whole weekend. And always according to a pre-arranged time. You also never see each other during the week – or if you do it’s only for an hour or two after work, or only for lunch in some out-of-the-way restaurant. He never sleeps over and you never stay at his place. That’s if you’ve even seen his place! All these signs may mean that not only has he got a secret girlfriend; but he may actually have a wife, making you the secret girlfriend. Yikes!
11. HE KEEPS A PICTURE OF HIS FORMER GIRLFRIEND IN HIS WALLET
There isn’t a picture of you in his wallet, but there is a picture of his ex. Perhaps this woman is a bigger part of his life than he’s admitting. When people move on to a new relationship they usually consign photos to the trash can or at least a box that they keep out of sight. This is, of course, awkward because you can’t confront him about it without letting him know you’ve invaded his privacy. In all honesty, it’s unlikely that this kind of guy would make it very easy for you to see inside his wallet. Still – it’s a something you should be wary of.
12. HE NEEDS PRIVACY FOR CERTAIN CALLS
Most of the time if his phone rings, he’ll simply answer it and talk even when you’re around. There are calls, however, that he seems to need privacy for. He’ll go somewhere where you can’t hear him, or he’ll angle his body so you can’t see what he is texting. Often, there are calls he ignores. If you have been telling yourself you are just being controlling or paranoid, you can stop it right there. This is suspicious behaviour and is deserving of a big red flag.
If you suspect your boyfriend has a secret girlfriend, you owe it to yourself to clear the air and find out where you stand. It’s true that finding a date can be challenging these days. And finding a boyfriend is even more difficult. But if he has another girlfriend on the sly, you shouldn’t waste your time on him. Another term for this would be ‘cheating’. My advice? Get cracking and look for someone else!
Have you ever found out that a guy you’re dating has a secret girlfriend?
If so, let us know how you handled it in the comments below!