8 Signs You’re Settling In Your Relationship

So, you’re at a stage in your relationship where you’ve suddenly found yourself at a crossroads. You’ve started googling things like ‘How do I know if this relationship is right for me?’, and wondering what it would be like to be single again.

You’ve no doubt read a thousand different blog posts which repeatedly tell you to never settle for anything less than what you deserve. And then you start to question yourself. And your life. And you start to think you might just be being plain silly.

You ask yourself, just what are the conclusive signs of settling? The signs which altogether result in one big, can’t-ignore-even-if-I-wanted-to, red flag that, actually, your partner isn’t the one for you? How do you know? In no particular order, here are 8 signs that could show that you’re settling:

Young woman worrying about her relationship

01. YOU CAN’T DECIDE WHETHER OR NOT YOU STILL HAVE FEELINGS

It’s normal for feelings to be questioned on occasion. But if you’re always wondering whether you still love them or not, then that’s a pretty big red flag that something isn’t quite right. Maybe you’re going through a temporary rough patch. Or maybe this has been going on for months. Either way, constant questioning isn’t great.

02. LITTLE THINGS THEY DO REALLY ANNOY YOU

They always leave the bed unmade; they always put their dirty pots down next to the dishwasher instead of in it; they always breathe too loudly. If tiny little annoyances are becoming a big deal in your relationship, then you probably have some bigger problems to address. You don’t have to love every little thing about your significant other. But some things really shouldn’t get to you.

03. YOU DON’T FEEL GUILTY WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT CHEATING ON YOUR PARTNER

Another thing that people in happy (monogamous) relationships don’t do is cheat on their partners. And hey, even monogamous couples slip up and recover. But you should make each other happy enough that the idea of sleeping with someone else isn’t your biggest turn-on.

04. YOU CAN’T BE BOTHERED TO MESSAGE OR TALK TO THEM, AND THE THOUGHT OF DOING SO IS EFFORT

If you don’t feel excited to talk to them about random things you see or do throughout your day, then it’s safe to say this particular relationship is on the fast path to becoming burdensome.

Young woman worrying about her relationship

05. YOU’D RATHER SPEND TIME WITH FRIENDS, OR BY YOURSELF, INSTEAD OF YOUR PARTNER

If you’d rather be doing literally anything other than hanging out with your partner, then something is seriously wrong. You should want to spend time with them. And if this isn’t the case, then this relationship is definitely not for you.

06. YOU FEEL NOTICEABLY LESS INTERESTED IN SEX

People tend to say that sex isn’t the be-all and end-all in a relationship, but nevertheless, it’s still incredibly important and can serve as a good indicator for other problems you might be having. You should be sexually attracted to your partner, and when sex starts feeling like a burden, then something most definitely isn’t right.

07. YOU FANTASISE ABOUT SOMETHING BAD HAPPENING TO THEM

Now – this one may seem a little extreme – but hear me out! When you’re stuck in a relationship and don’t know whether to stay or go, it can often lead to you wishing that your significant other wasn’t around. And if you’re too scared to just up and leave, the next best thing in your head could be for something bad to happen that takes them away from you. Like a car accident, for example. Of course, you’d never really want anything bad to happen to them. You’re not a monster. But if you do find yourself fantasising about it because you can’t see another way out and are scared of hurting them, you’re most definitely settling. And it’s doing way more harm than good.

08. THE IDEA OF STARTING OVER WITH SOMEONE NEW, OR BEING ALONE IS JUST TOO SCARY

Finding someone you actually like, and then getting comfortable enough to just be yourself around them takes a long time, lots of trust and plenty of effort.  But that’s no reason to give up just because you’re pretty comfortable and sort-of-like the person you’re currently with.

If you ever start to question whether a relationship or situation is right for you or not, that there might be better things out there for you, or even if you realise that you’re just not happy – be brave. Never accept ‘But what if there’s no one else out there for me?’ or ‘I don’t want to start all over again’ as the only reason to stay. Instead, make the terrifying and challenging decision to break away, because believe me, it’s so worth it in the end.

I believe we only get one life, and we owe it to ourselves to be happy. Don’t just settle because it feels comfortable or safe.

8 Signs You're Settling

And there you have it – 8 signs that you could be settling.
Have you ever experienced any of them? Let me know in the comments below.

Louise x

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26 Comments

  1. July 26, 2020 / 2:41 pm

    When relationship turned sour, it is always practical to leave, rather than worry about what’s next. Remember, you deserve someone better.

  2. Sabs
    July 26, 2020 / 3:32 pm

    hey Lou,
    I really enjoyed your blog post. I’ve been there babes and i know how it feels: Yes, we only get one life and it’s our duty to ourselves to make ourselves happy. I believe that primarily it’s up to us to make ourselves happy first so that afterward we can welcome someone who can add to that… I have chosen to Not Settle 👏💪! Still haven’t found what i’m looking for yet, but I Know it’s out there and i’m ready for it 😋

  3. July 26, 2020 / 4:51 pm

    These are excellent points. Before I met my husband I would do a lot of these things as I dated other guys especially wanting to spend time with friends.

  4. July 26, 2020 / 9:45 pm

    I’ve definitely been in some of these situations before. Great post.

  5. July 26, 2020 / 10:56 pm

    I had to pin your post. It was spot on and these are really true in the what you’d see and feel as signs that something is desperately wrong.

  6. July 27, 2020 / 12:05 am

    I am definitely not one who settles. In fact that is my problem. I can easily let go, whether I still have feelings or not anymore at the time that I did. Looking forward to a post about people who find it hard to fully commit.

  7. July 27, 2020 / 12:28 am

    Every relationship needs 2 to tango. Both sides to love, understand and trust each other.

    Great writing.

  8. Amy
    July 27, 2020 / 3:16 am

    Settling is the worst thing anyone can do. I think it can slowly destroy a person to their core. Losing themselves to a point they don’t even recognize themselves. These are great things to point out for anyone questioning their relationship.

  9. Monidipa
    July 27, 2020 / 9:40 am

    I guess these were the things happened to my ex. He might have felt them. I wonder inspite of unconditional love why do people fall out of it.

  10. July 27, 2020 / 9:48 am

    A really interesting read. I have been with my (now) husband for almost 23 years now since we were teenagers. Of course we have little annoyances but I am happy to say, we are still excited to sit and chat about random stuff and to spend time with each other. You have shared some great advice.

  11. July 27, 2020 / 1:39 pm

    Man this is too funny……and I too have a fabulous relationship with my husband. We are besties and have been together almost 26 years…. I just honestly do not remember what it is like to date and this advice is a fabulous resource for anyone new to dating or relationships in general. I am so lucky to have found my soul mate and best friend and we are closer and more appreciative of each other now than at the beginning which is crazy to say 🙂

  12. July 27, 2020 / 3:02 pm

    Though do agree with your every point..glad you shared such amazing and valuable information with us..these all mentioned points are so true…a relationship would never be bothered it would be felt with true feelings and more..well great work though…

  13. July 27, 2020 / 10:28 pm

    When a relationship is not working anymore, as difficult as it may be, it’s time to move on. And it’s better to do it sooner rather than later. Why wait, the result will be the same anyway.

  14. July 27, 2020 / 11:27 pm

    The fact that i’m actually resonating with this post is scary. If its not in my face now, I don’t know what is. 😫

  15. July 28, 2020 / 12:16 am

    YES! These are some relationship red flags!!

  16. July 28, 2020 / 12:39 am

    All of these things are so true. I can say that this was a little validating because I do not feel any of these things about my husband at all (well, except #2, but let’s face it, there will always be things that annoy us on some level!). I definitely look back at past relationships I’ve had and can relate to this. I am so glad I didn’t settle then, and I ended up in a wonderful marriage! Great post.

  17. blair villanueva
    July 28, 2020 / 3:15 am

    Sometimes relationships can’t be fixed, especially when your gut feeling tells you it can’t. Always follow your instinct and never discount your feelings and yourself just to make your partner (and people surround you) happy.

  18. July 28, 2020 / 10:23 am

    These are all important questions to ask and when you start feeling this way, to look at the relationship and reaccess what you really want – very informative post

    Laura x

  19. July 28, 2020 / 11:54 am

    If you feel of this, let go. not worth it. Im glad i found my worth. Thanks for sharing.

  20. Chantal
    July 28, 2020 / 11:49 pm

    I love this tips. They are honest and real. With this time, it is very clear how you feel at this point. This are very helpful!!!🤗

  21. July 29, 2020 / 5:55 am

    I’m not even sure I’d say settling here. I’d say the relationship is finished. If you have thoughts of cheating on your partner and it doesn’t even bother you a little, or if talking to the other person takes all kinds of effort, you are well on your way to being done.

  22. July 29, 2020 / 11:19 am

    This reminds of the first Daniel Sloss show, it’s exactly what he says! You should check it out !

  23. Marta
    July 29, 2020 / 1:39 pm

    The second one. As soon as you start thinking about somebody else and picturing a romantic relationship your old one is done.

  24. July 29, 2020 / 7:48 pm

    After reading your post, I think I am very much settled in my relationship. Anyone new and being alone are two scary options for me.

  25. July 30, 2020 / 1:01 pm

    This is a great post about relationships! I found it very interesting! Thank you for sharing!

  26. Elizabeth O
    August 1, 2020 / 5:33 pm

    Those are definitely serious signs to get help for the relationship and/or end it amicably before things get really ugly. Number 07 was shocking!

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